What does Hoover's exes mean?

What Is Hoovering? Hoovering, aptly named after the Hoover vacuum, is a technique narcissists use to try to “suck” their victims back into the vicious cycle of abuse and regain control, especially if their partners left them first.

What is a Hoover in a relationship?

Hoovering is a behavioral term used to describe a narcissist (or someone with narcissistic tendencies) who uses emotional manipulation to lure their partner back into a toxic relationship.

What is the term Hoovering?

What Does Hoovering Mean? Hoovering is a form of emotional abuse that occurs when someone feels threatened by another person withdrawing from or leaving a relationship. A person hoovers when they want attention–even if that attention is negative.

What is hoovering in narcissistic hoovering?

What is Hoovering? Hoovering is a manipulation strategy narcissists use to keep their victims in or suck them back into a toxic relationship. Narcissists use this type of emotional abuse when they sense that their victim is seeking to pull out of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

How do you respond to hoovering?

Read on for tips on how to respond to this type of behavior.
  1. Avoid playing into their reality. ...
  2. Don't get drawn in. ...
  3. Pay attention to how they make you feel. ...
  4. Talk to them about their behavior. ...
  5. Put yourself first. ...
  6. Offer compassion, but don't try to fix them. ...
  7. Say no (and walk away) ...
  8. Remember, you aren't at fault.

6 Sad Reasons Why the Narcissist Is Hoovering You After No Contact

How do you know if someone is hoovering you?

Threatening self-harm.

"If you don't respond back to me, I'm going to hurt myself." This is a major red flag that you are being hoovered. It is extremely manipulative for someone to place the burden of their harm onto you and how you may or may not respond to them. You are not responsible for their actions.

How long will hoovering last?

According to Consumer Reports, vacuum cleaners last a median of eight years. But the lifespan varies wildly by not only brand but your own personal use. If you have a small one-bedroom apartment to yourself, you won't use your vacuum nearly as much as a family of five with two pets in a 3,000-square-foot home.

Why do narcissists Hoover exes?

Hoovering, aptly named after the Hoover vacuum, is a technique narcissists use to try to “suck” their victims back into the vicious cycle of abuse and regain control, especially if their partners left them first.

Why does a narcissist hoover after no contact?

Hoovering is a Power-Play for Narcissists

They lack empathy and the ability to see you as a separate human being. Rather than wanting a relationship for sentimental reasons, they're out for themselves, looking for access to resources, such as sex, money, information, status, or love.

Do narcissists Hoover if you discard them?

Narcissists may Hoover in a number of ways: by provoking the victim, waxing poetically about how they've changed, or even more sadistically, flaunting a new partner to their previous one after a particularly callous silent treatment or discard.

What are examples of hoovering?

Hoovering in a relationship can include inventing a crisis to compel someone to respond — which could even be threats to oneself or their partner. Scott explains that suicide attempts, self-harm, and dangerous or impulsive behavior used to lure someone back into a conversation are all examples of this.

Do narcissists apologize?

Someone with NPD or narcissistic behaviors is unlikely to do things like apologize or sing your praises without it being self-serving.

Why is the narcissist hoovering me?


The point of hoovering is to get you back. The narcissist will know what your weak points are and whether bullying you, begging you or playing the victim is the most effective means of sucking you in. You may find yourself in a hoovering situation more than once.

What is a narcissistic ex?

A person with NPD may display personality changes without warning and even go to lengths such as emotional blackmail to pursue their self-serving interests. Inflated Sense of Importance: Narcissists often work under a grandiose feeling of self-importance.

What happens when you ignore narcissist Hoover?

If you first try ignoring them, they will probably doubt your endurance and ability to stay strong. They will engage a combination of hoovering tactics- sweet talking, gaslighting, reaching out to others- all to get you back into their orbit.

What is reverse hoovering?

It's a form of abuse where you Hoover yourself.

The term is coined from the famous Vacuum Cleaner, often referring to the abuser trying to “suck” you back into the abuse.

Does a narcissist miss you after no contact?

So yes, narcissists can miss you in the sense that they feel bad when an emotional need isn't being met when you're not around and thus they want you back in their life. They need someone to boost their ego and make them feel good about themselves.

Do narcissists ever leave their ex alone?

A research study showed that narcissists and psychopaths tend to stay friends with their ex for selfish reasons. They try to stay in your life or seduce and convince you to return.

How do you respond to a narcissist hoover?

The best way to deal with hoovering is to cut all contact with the narcissist. This may be difficult, but it's the only way to protect yourself from their manipulative behaviour and psychological abuse. If you're currently experiencing hoovering from a narcissist, you need to steel yourself not to respond.

Why might a narcissist obsess over one ex?

"The central motivator for narcissists is validation," she explains. "And an ex is often a really interesting place to get it... They constantly need that fresh narcissistic supply, and they kind of know what an ex's supply is like."

What time can you start hoovering?

How to stay on the right side of the law when vacuuming. If you want to make sure you're remaining on the right side of the law at all times, try to keep your vacuuming to the hours between 8am and 6pm on weekdays, and between 8am and 1pm on Saturdays and Sundays.

How do you get a narcissist ex to leave you alone?

If you're in that situation here are five ways you can get a narcissist to leave you alone as much as possible.
  1. #1. Go no contact. I don't care if they broke up with you or you broke up with them, you need to cut them off. ...
  2. #2. Go low-contact. ...
  3. #3. Keep emotion out of it. ...
  4. #4. Make yourself the center of attention.

Is there a law on hoovering?

You may be an accidental law breaker if you make loud noises such as hoovering after 6pm. This is because nuisance behaviour is not limited to loud music and late night parties and covers any sound that exceeds the tolerable decibel level.

How does a narcissist react when they can't control you?

Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.